Jack said “YOU want the TRUTH??? YOU can’t handle the truth!!!” – Can YOU handle the truth?
So, why do I bring up telling the truth now? It’s because I see so many people living, no existing, in quiet desperation.
Why??? Because they’re afraid to speak up and tell the truth. After that age of innocence, we’re conditioned to spare people’s feelings. “Don’t say that, you’ll hurt their feelings!” Sound familiar? And what happens when we hurt someone’s feelings? We’ve come to expect a backlash or worse, a loss of love and acceptance from that person and/or those around them.
This is why we have no problem telling the jack*** who cut us off in traffic just exactly what we think of them right? We could care less if they don’t like us! However, and this is human nature, we do care what those are around us think. So, we hope something changes and often it doesn’t until something bad happens.
In nearly all of my coaching and speaking opportunities it usually boils down to me asking this simple question:
“Are you part of the problem or part of the solution?”
A very effective question for changing a person’s state about their situation. If you’re complaining about what someone is or isn’t doing, but not sharing this with anyone who can fix it, then guess what? YOU are part of YOUR own problem! Here’s just a short list of strategies which have personally worked for me when I need to get the truth on the table:
- Be honest with the person!
- Use the “Sandwich” technique. Say something positive, then constructive, then something positive
- Don’t use the words “you always” or “you never” in any of your sentences!
- Offer possible alternatives to remedy the situation – always come to the table with solutions when you have problems
- Share articles on the subject matter with that person
- “Hey Boss! Check out this cool article on new leadership strategies for the Gen Y workforce!”
- Ask the person for advice on the very issue you’re having with that person
- Perhaps, and I’ve seen this, the person may also realize they too have that particular issue. Then you can ease into the conversation
Now, if the shoe’s on the other foot, and someone is telling you the truth, please don’t fly off the handle and tell them to get bent! Here’s what ya do after a few deep breaths:
- Listen, and listen some more
- Paraphrase back to them what you understood (this is CRITICAL)
- Ask clarifying questions
- Genuinely thank them for talking with you
WARNING: DON’T GET DEFENSIVE at any point in your initial conversation!!! If you have reasons for your behavior, save them for later on. Right now you’re building trust and respect.
Ultimately, taking our lives to the next level of success and happiness involves getting out of our comfort zone by telling as well as hearing the truth. Otherwise, you’ll continue living in quiet desperation, the frustration slowly building, until you explode like some star on TMZ! It’s your choice my friend!
I have more strategies no matter what side of the truth telling you’re on. So if you have a particular situation you’d like my advice on, please don’t hesitate to call or email! Again, thank you for reading and your awesome feedback!
All my best for your KICKASS happiness and success!
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